His Darkest Realms
by edieswan
Summary: Edward's a determined Dom who needs a sub to train, and Bella's a lost girl in need of a Master. What they both find is something that neither of them expect. BDSM themes.
1. Registration

BPOV

11:59

Why did a minute always take so fucking long when you're waiting for it? It had been 11.59 for far longer than a minute, I could have sworn.

Yes, clock, come on. You can do it. You can fucking do it. 11:59, 11:59… _0:00._

Boom. Bang. Bingo.

So that was it. Where were the explosions? Where was the celebratory march? Where was this profound feeling I was supposed to get after this so called "three-month benchmark"? Because ultimately, as soon as that clock hit midnight, it had officially been three months. It was fucking stupid of me to stay up this late just so I could watch the clock make it official, but I had been proved stupid in almost every single area of my life, so why not finally live up to this preconceived depiction of myself?

Jesus Christ… three months. Three fucking months of being a loser.

This was all Alice's fault. She had told me that three months would have been _it_; you know, the time where I should have been over everything, or at least moved onto something – or someone – else. It all seemed like a pile of bullshit to me.

I took mine and Jasper's break-up pretty hard, you could say. It wasn't really surprising; you know when you have your first proper relationship at the age of sixteen and the first guy you might feel a little something for turns out to be the only thing you care and think about? Yeah, that was Jasper for me. He was my everything, and now I wasn't sixteen anymore. I had just turned nineteen and it had been officially three months since Jasper had officially been my nothing. I was still fucking hurting – proving Alice completely and utterly wrong.

Alice had also always told me that I could have done a lot better than Jasper and that moving on from him shouldn't have been a problem. But she had to say that – she was my best friend. The guys at school weren't so bad when it came to attention, I suppose, but they weren't right. I knew just how pathetic I was being, but I couldn't fucking help it. They weren't him.

I had been in pretty much zombie mode since it had all happened. It was convenient, too, because we had just graduated which meant I wouldn't have to face school - or him - anymore. Alice had been so sweet to me, I guess, but I couldn't just let it go like she expected me to.

Now I had been a zombie for three months and not much had changed. I was no way hurting to the extent I was three months ago, but it wasn't like I was getting over it. I was more getting used to it – that ripping pain in my chest cutting me over and over again.

I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I thought we were going to be together forever.

Until I caught him.

Jasper and I had been fucking since quite a young age – well, before it was legal, anyway. We liked to spice things up a lot – well, I did, and that warm start-of-summer's night was definitely no different. We had been getting on so well and we'd just finished school, so I decided to surprise him with an outfit I had purchased at the local mall. A teacher/school girl fantasy was one of my favourites so I was pretty excited when I found the outfit and bought it straightaway for Jas. I even had fishnet hold ups and a badge that said "'Good at Head' Girl" across the middle.

I had slipped on my long tan trench coat before driving over to Jasper's later on in the evening. Since he just lived with his older sister Rose who was ten years older than he was, there wasn't ever a problem with finding a place to fuck as she really didn't care. Although she never liked me too much, she was like the cool sister I never had and she made herself scarce when she knew that Jasper and I were up to something. Which was pretty much most of the time.

Rose answered the door that night rather than Jasper, which was slightly strange when I look back at it, but not too unnerving. I remembered the awkward smile she gave me and her apparent reluctance to let me into the house. However, being the fucking idiot that I am, I just ignored it and walked into the house anyway and straight up to Jasper's room, with complete nonchalance – even buttoning my coat as I walked, ready to live out the ultimate fantasy.

As soon as I heard him yelling that name "Tanya", I knew something was definitely wrong. I stopped just before his door and listened to the familiar "fuck" creak of his desk, back and forth… creak, creak, creak.

At first, I thought I was probably just imagining it. Maybe he was jerking off to some movie he rented with a chick named Tanya as the protagonist. And how fucking wrong I turned out to be.

I uneasily peeped through the gap in his door – Jasper never liked to close the door, he thought it was rude – and after I saw a strawberry blonde bent over the same desk that he had been doing me on for the past couple of years, in exactly the same school girl outfit, I fled the house in tears, a muttered apology from Rose, and I never looked back.

Except the desk scene replayed over in my head for the next three fucking months.

And that was it – here I was, three months later, wallowing in self-pity and wondering what to do with myself and contemplating being a depressive and reclusive zombie for another three months, perhaps years at best.

Sitting on my laptop in my bedroom all evening to look for something else to do to distract me from Jasper had become my favourite pastime very quickly. This evening was no different, except I might have retired to my bed by now. However, now that I barely seemed to have anything to look forward to the next day, there didn't seem much point in going to bed at an appropriate time anymore.

Still, my eyes were growing weary and after Alice had texted me saying "3 months, baby! Hope you're talking to a hot guy… A x", I just wanted to try and take my mind off it as soon as possible, and that, sometimes, sleep did.

I signed out of my IM and switched off my cell phone. Alice was my best friend and I did love her to pieces, but I didn't need her tonight reminding me how I was becoming perpetually single and reinforcing the fact that Jasper had cheated on me and now, I was alone.

Unaided, unaccompanied, single-handed… on my own. Yup, that was now the dictionary definition of myself. Isabella Swan: alone.

Despite the annoyance that Alice sometimes caused, I had to admit that she had a tiny, miniscule point. My father, Charlie, had talked to me about how he was worried about how I had become and after a sort of outer-body experience earlier on in the week, I did have a realisation that I needed to change some part of how I acted, at least to get Charlie and Alice off my back. I needed something to distract myself; to keep my mind off things and to prove to myself that I wasn't a complete weakling, even if I knew that deep down I had always been too dependent – it was a part of my personality. But perhaps at some point maybe I would need to change that.

Maybe? Fuck that, I needed to change everything about myself.

I noticed that despite logging off most things on my computer, I still had the internet browser up on my laptop's screen. On a sudden "three-month" whim, I decided to make use of the Google search bar that was at the top of my page and typed in "how to spice up your life". I wasn't sure what I had expected, except for maybe the lyrics to the Spice Girls' song or something about how to spice up your sex life. Out of interest and severe ennui, I quickly browsed some of the sex life pages in attempt to break out of the sheer tedium and despair that I now called my life.

Surprisingly, that was the one thing Jasper and I had been on the same page on; we always enjoyed each other sexually. At least, that's what I had thought. Anyway, we both knew what we liked.

But I never really told him about some of the dreams and fantasies I had. Not because I was embarrassed about what I found appealing or that it was completely wrong, it was just the dreams came to me off their own accord – as if someone was transmitting the images to my brain.

So I never knew whether to think of them as my fantasies, despite them mostly involving Jasper. I suppose they were a little weird, perhaps even eerie – but I still found that vivid and exciting. Maybe the intensity of the dreams had been influenced by my heightened emotions, but ever since the break up they had become more frequent and more powerful. Actually, sometimes they even kind of freaked me out. But that was the thing – I couldn't help it – they came to me while I was sleeping.

Vulnerability seemed to be the main theme of the dreams; sometimes including violence and aggression. While I was with Jasper, they started off as him taking me without my consent – roughly and belligerently. And then the even stranger thing was I would wake up feeling really turned on which was ridiculous because I would always consent to Jasper taking my body. How fucking degenerate?

The sexual content of what I was browsing on the net just brought up my thoughts about the dreams, and then of course, like every single fucking thought in my brain, they returned to Jasper. I shook my head to try and shake off the thoughts and returned my concentration to the "Spice up your sex life" blog that I had just opened.

It was all pretty standard: role play, toys, and positions – stuff I knew enough about already. I needed something more than this – something to wake me up, to daunt me, even. I needed something demoralizing, adrenaline – something to make me feel like I _was_ still alive, after all.

_Three months, Bella, and you're still sitting on your ass feeling sorry for yourself thinking about that cocksucker_! Alice's voice sounded in my head and I mentally tried to swat it away, like a fly.

Suddenly, I saw something that made my heart stop and my psyche surge with curiosity. Well, well, well, I said to myself. What do we have here?

**Tip Number 37 **

(Do not try this without being fully informed and all consenting adults)

Try out a BDSM relationship involving power play with dominance and submission. Maybe for a night, or even a long term relationship, many adults have this desire to feel more alive that has previously been suppressed which could be holding back your sex life. Sometimes, it needs awakening by the lifestyle of Masters and slaves. BDSM can vary between mild and extreme forms of pleasure and pain.

_**How can you tell if this is for you?**_

Ever wondered what it felt like to have total control? Do you dream about being completely dominated or mixing pain with pleasure? This is for people who seek more from their sex life and want to bring it to a whole new level. Whether you like being controlled and dominated or do the dominating, as most sex tips go, there is nothing wrong with trying.

Talk to other submissives and Masters already in the game and meet someone with similar interests on this website here.

Maybe it was the fatigue that seemed to be making me drunk, but I was far too intrigued with this tip number thirty-seven. I didn't really seem to know what the hell I was doing, but I clicked the link immediately to the website. Without delay, I was greeted with exactly what I was looking for.

Adrenaline.

The first page was just as daunting as I wanted it to be. It was entitled "Kink Community" and the flashing words underneath asked me if I wished to be dominated and humiliated. A grin appeared across my face and my heart pounded furiously as some photos appeared, with pictures f girls that looked just like me: long hair, small physique and dependent expressions. Excitement and anticipation welled up inside of my stomach as I clicked on a couple of profiles featured on the front page.

My stomach twisted slightly on instinct when I looked at most of the members' ages on the site. Most of them were in their late thirties of forties, I, on the other hand, happened to have turned eighteen last fall. Was it even legal that I was on this website? I felt like a clueless child. However, I looked on the bottom of the page and read the brief terms and conditions and noticed that yes, I was of consenting age and therefore was entitled to do whatever I wanted with my sexual desires.

Sexual desires… Was I wrong to be so excited about something that was clearly so wrong? I suppose it was part of my personality – I enjoyed pushing boundaries to provoke reactions, even in myself. I suppose I felt more welcome on the site than I should have done.

I looked at the photos of these girls in what seemed to be submission. For some unknown reason, I felt like I could be one of those girls: to be tied up for Jasper, for him to come back to me as he could do whatever he pleased with my body. I needed to feel wanted again. It seemed that domination was the ultimate fulfilment of this need. So it seemed that yes, I did want to be dominated, even though it kind of sickened me to admit it.

_First you were a sullen loser sitting on your own and wondering where the hell you had gone wrong in life, and now you're about to become a kinky slut. Well done, Bella Swan,_ my subconscious chanted.

I ignored it. I was beyond the point of any sort of judgement now. Then, apprehensively, I clicked 'Register'.

Thud, thud, thud. My heart was ready to jump right out of my chest.

I filled out my details, being as truthful as possible without revealing too much about myself. It was the internet, after all. I put a photo on – a simple one of my face that Alice had taken of me this summer where I was smiling, but not too much. It could have been anyone, to be honest, so I wasn't too bothered. _Adrenaline, Bella,_ I reminded myself. _Feel again. _

I entered a few personal things about myself, such as my height being five foot four and my previous sexual experiences. Obviously, I had to select the 'No previous power role relations'. I had guessed from reading other things on the site that I was supposed to be a 'Training sub'. Naturally, there was a lot more to this world than I had originally thought.

I yawned as I filled in the last couple of things like that I socially drank and smoked, wasn't into drugs, enjoyed reading had just come out of a long term relationship. The username that I chose for myself was the same as my email address, even – Isabella91. I had expected it to ask me if I liked flogging or being tied up, but there was nothing as drastic as that yet.

In a way, the site was welcoming me, even though I didn't want it to. It wasn't scaring me how I needed it to – instead it was excited me and felt more like entering my details on some sort of fucked-up Facebook instead. But crazily, I loved it.

After I had finished, I had grown beyond sleepy which was habitual for me. I knew that I had constant bags under my eyes, but I didn't care. I knew that my dreams – despite how mind-bogglingly pleasurable – would bring Jasper, and I still couldn't handle it yet.

I switched off my laptop after finishing m profile, not thinking too much about what I had just done. Was it tactless? Rational? Appropriate? No way. I wasn't sure about anything anymore, but all I knew was that the hole in my heart was still gaping open and very much apparent, so again, I didn't really care much about what I was doing anymore. It was something to occupy myself with. Feeling something again was the goal.

And I did need to feel something – anything other than this stupid hole that had been punched through my chest. I just didn't want to be so pathetic anymore – just sitting at home and doing absolutely nothing. In fact, it was a pretty mediocre attempt to get my adrenaline pumping – to sign up for that website. It was just the internet and I was still in the safety of my own home, sat almost passed out in front of my computer screen.

I closed my laptop and then settled into my bed, turning my iPod on the loudest setting, trying to drown out any thoughts that recurred around him. As a tear slipped shamefully out of my eye I settled into another one of my dreams, I mentally noted to myself that it would be the last tear that I cried for Jasper Hale and that tomorrow would be a brand new day, a brand new life, and a brand new me.


	2. New Message

I had woken up a little bit earlier than usual that following morning. Despite going to bed so much later, it was still about six-thirty when I woke up. I could hear my father in the room next to me snoring loudly which was odd; I usually woke up after he had left to go to the station. He was the chief of Police in this small town of Forks which meant that he had to leave for work by seven every morning.

I swung my legs over to the side of my bed and rubbed my eyes, taking a quick glance at my appearance in the reflection of the mirror opposite me.

Tragic – I looked like death warmed up.

I walked over to my curtains and opened them rather indolently, meanwhile noticing how dark it still was – the sun hadn't completely risen yet and we were in the middle of summer. I yawned dramatically as I fell back onto my bed, still inebriated with fatigue. I stared at my ceiling and sighed as I remembered: _three fucking months._

After allowing the wounded feeling to linger for a little while, I remembered what I had told myself before I had fallen asleep. I needed to move on and this 'benchmark', as Alice had named it, was an indication of how immense that need was. I looked down at my bare legs in my pyjama shorts and noticed also how it had also been three months since I had last tried to better my appearance, which also meant shaving my legs. Yuck, the word "fur" definitely came to mind.

As I heard my father – Charlie, as I liked to call him – get up, I decided to jump in the shower so he wouldn't ask questions as to why I was up so early and would leave for work before I finished. He tended to worry for me, especially after my zombie stint. However, I liked my silence and it didn't help that he – as well as Alice – kept reminding me how I should be over Jasper by now.

The shower was cold, but I liked the way it heightened my sensitivity of my skin. I always had to have the shower on the hottest or coldest setting. It felt inadequate having it in the middle, I didn't know why. I put it down to OCD or maybe just a habit, but as the cold water drenched my body, the shivers that hit me were perceptibly satisfying.

After the shower, I wrapped my body in a clean white towel and wondered back into my room and looked out of the window to check that Charlie had left. When I saw the empty car space in our drive, I stayed looking outside and dropped my towel, letting my long wet brown hair fall gracefully and coolly over my skin. Then, I turned to the full-length mirror beside my bed.

I had lost a lot of weight since I had ended things with Jasper, and it was obvious in how my body looked. My collarbone was more protruding and my hip bones were a little bit bonier than they used to be, but I had still kept the curves of my hips and my breasts, and my thighs were still strong. Just about.

I closed my eyes and breathed in, spurring my imagination on. My dreams at night were starting to invade those ones that I had in the day as I imagined someone coming through my door, unnoticed, and heavily breathing on my neck, whispering profanities, grabbing my scrawny hips with force.

I inhaled deeply.

I used my own hands on my hips, pressing into the bones as hard as I could. My breathing picked up a fast pace as I dug my fingers into my skin with undue force. The pain was awakening and I smiled a little as that familiar tingling started in between my legs. Fuck, I was wanton from top to bottom.

I imagined the hands, whilst using my own, to move up to my breasts; taking my nipples roughly; pulling them forcefully, grabbing them tightly. I let out a small moan as my insides throbbed with want, need, necessity. This is what I needed.

I moved one of my hands down to where I was throbbing the most and began to tease my clit gently, yet still holding on forcefully to one of my breasts. Pleasure was building up inside of me at a vast momentum. Abruptly, it became hard to stand and my legs became weak with pleasure as I began to use my hands on myself with pure antagonism and hostility.

Hurriedly, I cried out as my approaching orgasm began to completely take over me and by surprise, all my senses heightened from the cool breeze over my nipples, and the cold water dripping down my body from my wet my muscles exploded within me, I opened my eyes and stared into the mirror and in a flash; I saw green eyes staring back at me. I gasped and pressed into myself harder as I was tipped right over the edge.

It was always better with concentration.

"Fuck," I breathed as my knees wobbled and I was almost gone – but so were the green eyes. _What the fuck had just happened there?_ As I regained a normal breathing pace and collected my psyche, I turned around, just to make sure that there was no one behind me.

A feeling not so dissimilar to terror overtook me, yet gratification still distended as I noted how much more satisfying I found touching myself in that way. _But what the hell was with the green eyes?_ I was obviously still tired from staying up too late the night before. Suddenly, I remembered my late night activities from the previous night and my stomach surged.

I looked at my laptop apprehensively, but then switched it on straight after. My heart thudded as the internet loaded a lot more slowly than seemed possible. Come on, I chanted inside of my head as I waited impatiently. As soon as it was done, I clicked on the history of websites that I had visited, and then clicked on the most recent link, sitting impatiently right on the edge of my seat.

Finally, the page loaded and my eyes grew wider with intrigue.

_Isabella91, 168 members are interested in your profile,_ it read. I was shocked, but thrilled all the same. Of course, I must have been a Dom's ultimate project: young, timid, completely off the rails of normalcy and ideal for training. But seriously, 168 in just _one night_? The number suddenly switched to 169 and I drew in my breath. Holy shit.

I grinned immorally. Take that Jasper.

I scanned through the profiles that had shown their "interest" and the results were pretty much what I had expected. Most of the men were like those on the front page of the site: middle aged, all with the names "_sexydom467_'"or "_bigcockmaster_". None of them particularly jumped out at me. Most of them didn't have photos of themselves like I had put up, but then again the ones that did weren't exactly of their faces…

After vaguely scanning through the list of the 169, I sighed and gave up. I guessed it was just my subconscious looking for someone who was like Jasper. _Maybe._ I didn't know. I thought that I was trying to find someone who was the complete opposite – so I could forget. My mind was a mess. The thing Alice had said about the three month benchmark _definitely_ seemed like a big pile of bullshit right about now.

I sat back in my seat and ran my hands through my now almost-dry hair. Out of the blue, something on the page caught my eye. I saw that I had an inbox with two unread messages on there. As I clicked on the inbox, I had a notification which told me that only the VIP's of the site could send messages and therefore I would not be able to reply.

I didn't care. I still wanted to read them.

The first one that I had received was from _ExperiencedDom67_. He had attached a photo of him and as I clicked on the link anxiously, I noticed that the 67 wasn't just a random number – it was his age. Oh my fucking God. I closed the explicit photo immediately and then read the message with anticipation left below it.

_Hello my dear, I love how honest and innocent you seem on your profile. I have been a Dom for 45 years and would love a little slut to make mine. The younger the better, in my opinion. Don't let my age put you off – my medicals say that I have a body of a 26 year old. Let me pour hot wax on your slutty little body and fuck you senseless up the ass and make you beg for it, you little slut. Message me back._

I think I threw up in my mouth a little as I read that. I may have been a desperate mess after Jasper had torn my heart out, but I wasn't _that_ desperate. The hole in my chest was starting to return – I was beginning to have no hope in ever getting over this guy, and I was not resorting to 67 year old men who wanted to do that to me. Was that the kind of thing they all did?

However, there was one last message that I hadn't read. It was from a simpler username of _DoctorEC_. It might have been a form of role-play or something, but it seemed more simplistic than '_hugecockdomination_' and wasn't completely perverted or anything. I read the age underneath his profile which read 30 years old. He was half the other guy's age which was a bonus, but he was still nearly double mine. I clicked on his message and my heart pounded with trepidation.

_Isabella_

_You shouldn't be on one of these sites. If you really want to experience the authentic lifestyle, let's talk. I would love to educate you._

_Do not give this email address out to anyone, and entitle the message "Patient review"._

It was firm, direct and more charming. It was even more intriguing because he seemed so different from the other profiles that I had seen. There was nothing on his page, just his age, his username and no photos – even though he was a VIP member. Was he serious? His message certainly seemed that way inclined.

And a doctor? Nice.

I decided that although I knew absolutely nothing about this man, I would send him an email. Even if it didn't develop into anything, at least maybe he would tell me a bit about what the lifestyle was like. After all, I realised that maybe the dreams did need explaining, and his message said that he would love to educate me. I pleasurably shuddered at the thought of being physically educated, and prayed to God that the man was as tempting and mysterious as he sounded.

I began the message. I noticed that he must have been a doctor for real because of his email address. I then distinguished that he must have been a doctor at the Hospital of Seattle. Obviously, I told myself. I typed in his email address, feeling my pulse running through my fingers. Why was I feeling this nervous? Although the apprehension wasn't all unpleasant – I wanted this feeling; I _needed_ it.

I entitled the message "Patient Review" just as I was told and then my fingers twitched as I thought of what to write. Should I call him by his name or Master, or something like that? Was I supposed to respond to his orders already, or did he want me to be assertive? It irritated me how incompetent I was sometimes.

_Dr. Cullen,_

_I'm off the site now._

_I think I do want to experience the authentic lifestyle, but have never done anything like this before – so an education would be kind of perfect._

_Bella_

After I had reluctantly pressed send, I closed the top of my laptop and decided to put some underwear on underneath a light cotton dressing gown, since I was still completely bare. As today marked the beginning of a brand new day and supposed era in my life, I decided that I should choose something nice to put on. I chose a dark purple silk set that I had intended Jasper to see me wear in the near future, but of course, that didn't turn out so well in the end.

I turned to the mirror after I had put them on and noted how it made me look a little more curvaceous and less bony than when I was naked. Maybe if Jasper saw me now he might change his mind…

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by a new message "ping" sounding from my laptop. My heart raced instantaneously.A reply already? Wow. These Doms really don't play games,I thought. I slowly walked over to the laptop, opened it up and saw the unread message from "Dr. Edward Cullen" from the Hospital of Seattle. My stomach lurched as I shyly opened the reply to my "Patient Review",

_Isabella,_

_I'm glad you responded to my request. For safety reasons, you shouldn't have agreed so eagerly for a stranger to educate you in the way that I would plan to. Of course, we would have to work out the punishments for that at a later date._

_Another thing you seemed to have missed out on is that in this world, you must refer to me and other Doms as Sir, at least. You are not to use my name without permission._

_Now to the good stuff. I know that you are new to this scene after reading through your profile, I think that it would be best that I ease you into it one step at a time – and don't worry, I have a lot of experience in training subs. I understand that this may be daunting for you, but understand that that is part of the pleasure of this lifestyle._

_If you would be comfortable with it, I wish to speak with you later on tonight after I have finished work. Be at your computer at six this evening and we will talk properly about my plans for you. Don't be late._

My eyes were still wide and my body was rigid after finishing reading the email.

Oh, fuck. Shitting fuckedy fuck fuck. His words were almost scaring me right out of my clothes.

It seemed like a drastic change was occurring in my life already. There was a part of me that was frightened, yes; very anxious however, there was a more prevailing part of me that was excited – in more ways than one. When I read over the word _punishment_…my dreams came back to me, the green eyes were staring at me, and my lower region pulled at me; begging me to give everything into this.

I was fucking deprived.

Again, it was so dissolute; completely and utterly depraved. But I needed this; just so long as I could feel again, and for once, Jasper wasn't the only thing on my mind. An unforgivable smile then crept onto my lips. I was going to do this.

I sat down on my bed excitedly and waited for six o'clock to come, and I would not dare to be late.


	3. Port Angeles

It was going to prove to be a long wait until six o'clock.

It was only the morning and I had been invited up to Port Angeles for the day with Alice and our other friend Angela for the trivial activity of shopping. I really did not know how they did it: you know, shopping just for _fun_? It bored me to fucking tears but they were my friends and they had helped me through quite a lot in the past three months. Plus, I knew that if I had stayed at home all day I may have just died in anticipation awaiting DoctorEC_._

As soon as we got to Port Angeles, we started off looking around the dress stores. Our school, Forks High, was having the annual Leavers' Ball in a few days' time and Alice and Angela needed dresses. This little shindig was something our school did every year so that we could finally wave off our old friends as we parted ways for different colleges. Alice was attending the University of Washington and Angela was going to NYU.

I, on the other hand, had withdrawn my application from the University of Seattle after I had found out that Jasper wanted to stay in Forks and attend the community college there. Since I knew for certain that we were going to be together forever, I had already applied for a job in Newton's local hiking shop to start after the summer so that Jasper and I could start new lives together while we stayed in Forks. I hadn't told Jasper that I had applied to the University of Seattle because I knew how much it meant to him to stay in Forks. I thought I had meant the same amount to him. Yeah, so my father was pissed... but I didn't really care. I loved my dad, but I had Jasper and that was all that mattered.

Except that now I didn't have him anymore and I certainly was not going to attend this ball. I didn't want to listen to everyone gloating about their college plans or answer the awkward questions about why I wasn't going to college anymore or how I was coping since the break up; it would have been far too tender. I also knew that Jasper would be going, and if the rumours that Alice heard had been correct, then he would also be bringing the slut that I had seen him pounding in to over his desk.

I hadn't seen Jasper since everything had happened – not even a quick glance at the grocery store or the movies. It would be safe to say that I was avoiding him, but it was almost as if he no longer existed. He had called a couple of times after I had caught him with Tanya, but I didn't answer and he eventually stopped calling. It upset me even more that he didn't even put up a fight for me – like those two years together had meant absolutely nothing to him.

I hated his fucking guts and now, I was going to make a change – but that didn't mean I had to buy a stupid dress and watch the guy who broke my heart with the girl he fucked me over with while all of my friends talked about their plans for the future whereas me, well, I had none.

So yeah, I didn't want to go to this fucking ball – despite how much Alice was trying to persuade me.

"Oh, Bella!" Alice squealed after what had seemed like about five hours of dress shopping. "This dark blue dress would look so gorgeous on you."

It was a nice dress, but I'm sure it had a nice price tag to go with it. I preferred to go to charity shops.

"Yes, Al – but I told you…I'm not going," I replied, pushing the hanger she had thrust into my chest away from me.

"Oh Bella, you should come now, you know? Alice said it's been three months already!" Angela called from the dressing room. I sighed deeply in frustration. I hated repeatedly hearing about this stupid three month thing that Alice had evidently made up.

"I don't care. He'll still be there," I called back. "And Alice also said that he's bringing the bitch, too."

Alice took the hanger from me and looked at me with a caring expression. "I don't think they're actually together though, Bella. I've tried to tell you." She then put a pink dress up against my face, the top of the hanger almost probing me in the eye.

"Too pale," she muttered under her breath and I rolled my eyes at her.

"I'm still not going – therefore, I'm not buying a dress. I appreciate the help but I just don't want to go, alright?"

"Why are you so on edge today, Bella?" Alice sighed and then turned to Angela who had just returned from the dressing room.

"There is nothing special here," Angela said with a shrug. "Do you think we should try somewhere else or go another day without moany-pants over there?"

I sarcastically smiled at her and then stuck out my tongue.

"I haven't found anything either," Alice replied. "And obviously this one…" she turned and looked at me. "…is still singing the "not going" tune. It looks like we will have to come back another day, Ang."

"Thank you!" I breathed out.

Alice smiled. "Oh Bella, you love us really."

"Love _you_," I replied with a small smile. Then it turned into a frustrated frown. "Hate shopping and boys."

"Are you really a _girl_, Bella? Or should I say _Ben_?" Angela joked, poking me in the ribs. Alice laughed in agreement, or just at the lame joke.

I pushed her gently back and then we walked out of the shop together and headed for something that was slightly – but hardly – a more productive activity for me. _Food._

The meal was good; I had mushroom ravioli with a glass of water. I didn't finish all of it though and my friends scolded me for my eating habits. They hadn't really changed much since the break up and even though I didn't look anorexic, I was still thinner than usual. It bothered them, but it didn't bother me too much. I wasn't hungry and some of my clothes looked better a little baggier.

After waiting for Angela and Alice to finish their pizzas, I looked at my watch and realised the time. _Shit,_ if I didn't leave now, I wasn't going to make it back for six o'clock. Even though it seemed unsound in my mind that I would be leaving dinner with my life-long best friends to go home to meet a doctor from a BDSM website, there was something inside of me that was edging me on, as if it was encouraging my need for this iniquitous adrenaline rush.

"I'm sorry you two, but I have to leave now," I said, standing up from the table and passing Angela a few dollar bills. "Can you pay for my meal when you've finished, please? Thanks for a great day, guys."

Alice was in mid-mouthful and I could have sworn she was going to spit out her food. "And where do you think you're going? You're not going to be late for anything." She often scolded me as if I were her daughter or younger sister. She cared too much.

"Well, I am if I don't go now," I responded, trying to get out of the potential grilling I was going to get from Alice and Angela as quickly as possible. Despite Alice being my best friend, I didn't want her knowing about this decadent obsession that I was starting to develop. I knew she wanted me to meet some more guys, but I knew that she would probably flip if she knew what I had just started to do and who I was going to be talking to.

"Why? Is it a _guy?_" Alice asked, her mouth upturning into a smile.

"Um…" I started.

"Yes! It _so_ is," she squealed, clapping her hands together. She turned to Angela who was also smiling a mouth full of braces at me.

_For God's sake._

"Okay it is," I admitted, desperately trying to think of an excuse I could use for covering up my psychopathic intentions. "But I'm not saying anything else, okay? I want to keep it secret."

"Why?" Alice asked, defeated. "Don't you want to rub it all over that asshole's face that you're dating someone else?"

"I'm not dating, Alice," I said, but I didn't exactly know what else to call it.

"Then what?"

I sighed. All these fucking questions.

"I'll tell you about it another time, Alice. I need to go or otherwise I am going to be late for this mega-hot first date, alright?" I pleaded, wishing I hadn't mentioned it. I might have had a vivid sex life with Jasper, but Alice didn't even know the half of it. I wasn't exactly going to go on and start about how I think I might be a kinky masochist. She'd probably think I was going stir-crazy and send me off to a mental home, knowing her.

"Okay, well make sure you tell me how it goes! I'll ring you tonight, Bells," Alice smiled, evidently just as excited as I was. Except that it was a different sort of excited all together – mine was slightly more… hell-bent and dissolute, definitely.

"Laters," I called and waved at both of my best friends, slung my bag over my shoulder and headed for my truck that was parked a few shops away.

Whilst walking past the last of the stores that were just closing, I noticed one of my favourite charity shops still open. Looking at my watch, I noticed that maybe I might have had enough time to go into the shop and have a quick look before I had to be back at six. Maybe I could find a smaller retro T-shirt since mine weren't exactly fitting me the way they used to.

As soon as I entered the shop, I saw it.

It was a floor length black prom-style dress that was centred in the middle of the shop. It was a plain dress, but the shape of it looked absolutely divine – like it was made for a goddess. It was a plunged neckline, but with thinner straps than a halter. The lining came in at the waist and marginally out when it reached the hips. I swear that I almost drooled a bit as I stared at it, not even noticing the shop assistant at my side.

"Exquisite, isn't it?" she said to me as I stared.

"Yes, it's lovely," I replied, not taking my eyes off.

"Vintage," she explained.

"It's unbelievable," I said, mesmerised. It was the nicest dress I had ever seen – nicer than any of the dresses in the expensive mainstream shops I had been traipsing around in all day.

"Are you going to that ball in Forks or something?" the assistant asked and then I had to almost physically stop my heart from sinking. I decided to lie instead – I didn't need everyone to know what sort of sad case I was.

"Yes, something like that," I replied.

"Well, why don't you try it on? I heard it's rumoured to have been owned by Marilyn Monroe at some point, you know."

I nearly scoffed. I knew that Marilyn Monroe was a lot larger lady than this dress would have fitted, and it wouldn't have been stuck in some tiny unknown charity shop in Port Angeles. However, I wasn't completely reluctant in trying it on as maybe, it might have fitted _me_.

"Okay," I said meekly.

Even though I knew that I didn't have a lot of time, I took care and precision when buying the dress, as if it were some sort of holy material. When I put it on, I looked in the mirror and I gasped. For once in a long three months I looked sort of…good.

"Let's see!" The shop assistant begged. She was almost as annoying as Alice.

Her reaction was different to Alice's would have been, however. Instead of jumping about squealing and clapping her hands, her face dropped and it was as if she had stopped breathing. I wasn't really expecting it.

"That bad, huh?" I asked.

"Um, no. I would try and use some sort of made up compliment to get you to buy the dress but I think it says enough in itself. You look beautiful," she said, and I nearly believed her. "Better than Marilyn," she breathed and then I giggled.

The dress did fit perfectly, and it was black so I could wear it for other things as it wouldn't be as obvious if I wore it more than once, as I did with most of my clothes. I wasn't intending on going to the Leavers' Ball, but something inside of me was telling me to buy the dress – like I would need it for something else at some point.

"What's the damage?" I asked the assistant.

"$150," she said.

I breathed out heavily. So I couldn't buy any other clothes for the rest of the month, but what did I need new clothes for? Alice would kill me if I bought a dress without consulting her, but the dress was a one-off, it seemed, and the money would go to charity. _Adrenaline, Bella,_ my psyche told me. _Feel something_.

I hadn't ignored my mind yet, so I wasn't about to start.

"Let's do it," I said and got my purse out.

I was jumpy on the ride home. I put my _Avenged Sevenfold_ CD for the whole journey as I knew that it would keep me awake and alert. It kept me occupied so I didn't get so nervous and obsessive about "meeting'" DoctorEC tonight. I'd been thinking about him all day, anyway. It also made me think less about the huge amount of money I had just spent on a dress that I might never wear. Ah, shit.

Although in spite of the heavy thoughts, I was kind of happy that my feelings for Jasper were notably less now. This is why I needed this sort of rush – it helped me to forget.

Whilst _Beast and the Harlot_ was blasting at full volume, I took a chance to look at the clock in my truck.

_Shit!_

While I had been spending all that time in the shop, I had wasted minutes I could have been home talking to the doctor. It was 5.58. Fuck. He was going to be angry; I was even angry at myself for buying stupid dress and being late.

_Adrenaline,_ I reminded myself.

I was panicking. I was a useless submissive already. Why did I always have to fuck things up?

As soon as I got home and the clock read 6.07, I raced in as fast as I could, hurrying my ridiculously slow computer up, hoping desperately that the seven minutes would go unnoticed.

They didn't.

I opened my emails. At exactly 6.02PM, an email was sent to me with the title "Patient Review". My heart pumped my blood around at a hundred miles per hour. I clicked "open".

_You're late, Isabella._


	4. Pictures

**_Author's Note_: I am so sorry about how late this chapter is! (Almost a year, I know) RL has been so crazy that I haven't had much chance to write at all. I would write all day every day if I could. However, I am having a quiet spell at the moment (finally!) so I have been able to finish this chapter and will be updating far more frequently. I hope you are still reading - I really appreciate it. Enjoy!**

* * *

My heart was beating so heavily now. Late? Shit. I knew that something like this would happen. My first day as a "submissive" and I was already failing. How typical of my life, just to be absolutely shit at everything? A natural impulse inside of me was begging me to give up, but then another part of me was indisputably excited. Why were my emotions in so much turmoil at the moment? It _might_ have been due to the fact that my boyfriend had cheated on me and now I was seeking out the dangerous world of dominance and submission.

Regardless, my body was acting off its own accord. My hand was still moving the mouse and my eyes were permanently glued to my computer screen, eagerly anticipating DoctorEC's next move. I was crumbling with fear and wanton excitement as my hands moved to the key board and my fingers began to type.

_I'm sorry Sir, _I typed back as quickly as I could. My heart was still drumming to the sound of my blatant trepidation. What was I supposed to do? I could even feel my heartbeat through my fingertips. I had never felt anything like it before.

I sat back in my chair, almost out of breath as I looked up to the ceiling, panting slightly. Why had I been so late? It's not as if I needed the dress as I wasn't going to the ball and I certainly shouldn't have stopped by the charity shop as I knew I would have spent more time than I needed to in there. I looked over at the dress that I had laid out over my small twin bed and felt a slight pang of guilt that went with my uneasiness. It was odd for me to feel flustered like this, but I kind of liked it. It was making me forget.

The loud ping from my laptop was abrupt – it almost sent me to the ground as I jumped out of my seat in fright. In usual circumstances, I would have run away from the horror that was awaiting me. However, I was embracing it. This was exactly what I wanted – adrenaline, fear and just to feel so damn sentient.

I looked carefully at the refreshed computer screen and almost tentatively opened the "Patient Review".

_Switch over to IM, Isabella. We will speak of your actions there_, it read.

Immediately and by order, I opened the IM service from the icon at the bottom of my screen and instantly found an addition to my measly list of contacts containing just Alice, Angela, Mike and Jasper.

I approved Dr. Edward Cullen's request as soon as I could and then sat back again in my chair, desperately eager to find out what he was going to say next to me, as if it was all some incredibly tense game. What was he going to make me do? I knew that I had never met him before, but the tension of something, even over the internet, was driving all of my senses wild. I almost felt…amused.

Then, a conversation appeared.

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Hello, Isabella._

I almost screamed and fell back in my chair. Just imagining my name falling across this doctor's lips was pretty much unbearable, and I didn't even know what he looked like or heard his voice. Perhaps I was just a little bit crazy. Fuck that, I had become mental.

**Isabella Swan:** _Hello, Sir._

I smiled arrogantly at remembering to call him "Sir". I didn't need to be in the shooting line for anything else tonight. I had obviously annoyed him enough with my tardiness.

**Dr. Edward Cullen: **_So, would you care to tell me why you were so late for our first meeting, Isabella?_

**Isabella Swan:** _I was with my friends and we lost track of time. I'm sorry, Sir._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _That's not good enough, Isabella. Tell me another one._

Crap. So he could tell I was an awful liar already? I sighed deeply – another notch on his pain post. It should have scared me to my bones to be dealing with this kind of person, yet I still wanted this. I wasn't exactly the expert of being so submissive, however, I felt like I wanted to learn: to learn the art of being truly subservient. I wanted to do it as soon as I could and that would have to start with honesty. Vulnerability was the whole point.

**Isabella Swan:** _I was going shopping with my friends to buy a dress we have this Friday, Sir. I was going to be on time but when I saw a dress at the end, I had to buy it and I didn't notice the time. I am sorry again, Sir._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _You kept a Dom waiting just so you could buy a dress you liked?_

I winced as I typed my next response.

**Isabella Swan:** _Yes, Sir. I am sorry._

There was a while before he next sent something. It seemed as if he was contemplating what to write next. I kept my eyes on the screen.

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Let me see the dress. Now, please, Isabella._

**Isabella Swan: **_How, Sir?_

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Do you have a webcam?_

**Isabella Swan**: _No, Sir._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Well, that will be something we will need to change. Do you have a digital camera, Isabella?_

I liked how he kept saying my full name.

**Isabella Swan: ** _Yes, Sir._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Take a photo of you in the dress with today's paper and then send it to me. You have five minutes. This could be your chance to redeem yourself, Isabella._

**Isabella Swan:** _Yes, Sir._

Redemption? I kind of liked the sound of that. But I was confused as to why he needed today's paper, but I would do what he said nonetheless. I could sense the subtle authority just through IM. This was giving me the exact type of adrenaline I had been hoping for. Without delay or any normal contemplation that should have occurred due to a stranger asking me for a photo of me in a dress over the internet, I crept downstairs to find the paper.

Charlie was downstairs watching the game which was no surprise. I had been so eager to get to my computer that I didn't even notice that my father had gotten home. Now I just needed to act normal and inconspicuous, and not keep the doctor waiting any longer. I didn't think I would want many punishments in one go.

"Hey, Dad," I said, giving him a quick smile. Crap, maybe that was a bit too obvious. I didn't really speak to my dad that much nowadays, let alone smile at him. He frowned at me a little.

"You okay, Bells?" he asked me, confusion lacing his voice.

"Uh, yeah, fine, Dad. Um, I was just wondering if you had got today's paper," I asked, not really knowing what else to say.

Charlie got up from his chair while putting his dinner tray on the table in front of the TV. "Hmmm, yes, I think I might have the Peninsula somewhere. Why? Have you taken some sort of interest in the news lately, Bells? That isn't like you."

I shrugged. "I haven't been doing much lately, as you might have noticed. I just thought I could start to get back in sync, I suppose." Nice one, Bella. Quick thinking.

"Right," Charlie said before handing me the paper hesitantly.

"Thanks, Dad," I smiled again as I made my way upstairs. I could feel Charlie's stare after me as he suspected something wasn't completely right, but I didn't care. If he had any suspicions I could deal with them later. Right now, there was someone waiting for me upstairs and even though he was a doctor, I didn't think he was very patient (har har).

I positioned the camera on top of my mirror so that I was able to get a whole body view of the dress I had just bought. It still looked pretty good, so I was glad that the doctor would be able to see me in this rather than any of the other baggy t-shirts that I usually wore. As I put the camera on timer, a thought washed over me that perhaps I was cerebrally wrong to be taking a photo with me holding a paper and sending it to a stranger. It was…surreal. But stirring – in a good way.

I uploaded the photo onto my computer and pressed send right away – I didn't need to waste any more time. As the IM told me that the photo was received, I sat anxiously and waited for a response. I hoped that I looked good enough for him. I wondered what his other submissives must have looked like and if he asked all of them to do the same for him. I wondered how old they were and where they must have lived, and what did they even do? There were so many thoughts about the lifestyle and so much to learn.

Suddenly my laptop "ping" noise broke me out of my strange reverie.

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Thank you, Isabella. _

A nervous grin crept across my face. Then, he wrote again.

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _You look beautiful. I can see why you kept me waiting._

An even bigger grin appeared on my face and an excited tug pulled at my stomach. It made me feel good that I had impressed him and that he had liked it. It was a proud feeling – like I had done something good for someone. I didn't even know this man and already I was almost feeling like I needed to please him again.

**Isabella Swan:** _Thank you, Sir._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _So did you buy this dress for any particular occasion, Isabella?_

I hesitated. Should I tell him about Jasper and why I wasn't actually going to this ball? Or should I act at least like I wasn't some sort of loser?

**Isabella Swan**: _My school has a leaving ball for those going off to college this Friday. I might wear it if I go to that._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Well you'll wow anyone you see wearing that dress. Are you going to college?_

**Isabella Swan:** _I applied to Seattle, but I'm not going. I have a job here in Forks starting in a month's time._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Right. Well, we will discuss this more when we meet. I prefer to talk properly in person rather than over a computer. Is this weekend good for you, Isabella?_

Shit! A meeting, already? I had only just joined the website the night before and had been talking to this man online for twenty minutes. Hell, I didn't even know what he looked like – he could have been morbidly obese with a terrible case of acne and bedsores. Fuck, I didn't know. And where would we meet? What would I tell my father? And what would I tell Alice? Would I _actually _go? Did I really need the adrenaline _that_ much? I was suddenly having second thoughts. Cold feet, if you will.

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _I know it's moving a little bit fast, Isabella, as you have only just started to talk to me and you are new to this lifestyle. But lesson number one: there is no time to be wasted. If you really want to start something like this or whatever your reasons behind it, we need to meet in person first. Do you understand?_

Oh dear, he had a point.

**Isabella Swan:** _I understand, Sir. _

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _I don't like to waste time, Isabella, as I'm sure you have found out already. I'll forward you my cell number and I will be nice and allow you to make your decision by midnight tonight._

**Isabella Swan:** _Okay, Sir. Thank you, Sir._

**Dr. Edward Cullen:** _Good girl, Isabella. Speak soon._

Suddenly, he was offline. And fuck me, I was going crazy.

I didn't really know what to think. Yes, I wanted something to keep my mind off Jasper and something to get my blood pumping which were exactly what Dr. Edward Cullen and this whole new lifestyle was doing. But in reality, was I going too far? Too fast? I mean, he _was_ right. If I really wanted to know about the lifestyle and know what he was like, surely we would have to meet in person first. But I wasn't sure if I was completely ready for that yet. I had barely socialised with my normal friends and old classmates and my father, even, after the break-up, let alone meeting dominant doctors from Seattle who wanted to flog me.

While musing upon my crazy thoughts, my phone began to ring. It was Alice. Of course.

"Hi," I answered. "What's up?"

"Just checking in to see how the guy thing is going," she said in a suspicious voice. Typical Alice. At least her voice brought me back into reality a little bit.

"Yeah, it's fine," I said, knowing I sounded uncertain and Alice would definitely pick up on it.

"Isabella Swan, what is happening? Go on, you can tell me! I'm dying for a bit of gossip! And if there's one thing I know about, it is boys. If there is a problem, then tell me, Bella! I'm all ears!"

In a way, I kind of wanted to tell her about it. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it, especially as I was freaking out about the "meeting-in-person" part. She was my best friend and Alice was usually good with boy situations. Only in this case it was a kinky man situation. Perhaps I could leave the kinky part out.

"Okay, I'll tell you about him, Alice. But you promise you won't tell Angela and you promise this is for advice only and not for your gossip needs," I said to her seriously.

"Promise!" she squealed.

"Fine, well, there is this guy. I've been talking to him online – not for very long though, just a couple of days. I think I like him. I mean, I don't know."

"Yeay! What does he do? What school did he go to? How many girlfriends has he had?"

"Too much, too soon, Alice…" I assured her. "Let's go a bit slower here. I'm worried because he wants to meet up at the weekend but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."

"Why not?" Alice said, sounding astounded. "It will do you some good after you-know-who, even just for an ego boost, Bella. What does the lucky guy look like?"

I sighed. "You see, there's the other thing. He's seen two photos of me and, well, I haven't seen any of him. I don't know what he looks like."

"You like him but you've only been talking to him for a couple of days and you don't know what he looks like? Why couldn't you ask him for a photo when you sent him one?"

I cringed. I couldn't tell her that I didn't really have the authority. "It's a little complicated, Al. I just never got round to it."

"Okay…" Alice paused. "Well, what's his name? Why don't you search him on Facebook?"

"I deleted my Facebook account, remember?" I ran my fingers through my hair, grimacing at the thought of ever being on Facebook and sighed again.

"I'll do it through mine, what's his name?"

"I'm not saying! I don't want you to see him before I do! And knowing you you'll probably add him as a friend. I'm not telling you his name," I laughed, but being serious at the same time. I needed to keep this thing as secret as possible with Alice and I had probably gone too far already.

"Fine," Alice said rudely. "Google him, then. See what comes up."

"Good idea," I admitted.

I typed "Dr. Edward Cullen Seattle Hospital" into Google almost apprehensively. Did I want to see what he looked like? In my mind he didn't really look like anything – he wasn't really real. I didn't know what I expected, but I hoped that he was at least slightly good looking. I don't know. It was all too weird and dreamlike to think too much about.

"Found him yet?" Alice asked on the end of the line.

The results came up for quite a few things _– Dr Edward Cullen wins recognition prize for work in Seattle hospital, Dr. Edward Cullen hosts seminar for future medics,_ and then finally, _Dr. Edward Cullen – Hospital of Seattle Staff Profile Page_. Bingo.

I clicked the link and then waited, meanwhile noticing that a photo was uploading.

"Well, have you?" Alice chirped.

The photo finished uploading.

"BELLA! ANSWER ME!" Alice called.

"Er…" I stuttered. "Alice, I'm going to… to er… have to call you back tomorrow, okay?"

"Why? What does he look like? Tell me his name I'm going to…" Then I cut the line off.

I slipped off my dress in a trance, leaving my laptop on the profile page and open. I didn't bother putting any pyjamas on and instead crawled into my bed in just my underwear. I took my phone in my hand and started typing a text message.

_I am free on Saturday, Sir. Where shall we meet? Isabella x_

I pressed send to the contact I had only saved as "Dr. EC", put the phone to the side, looked at the photo on my laptop again and then closed my eyes and thought of him.

There was good looking, and then there was Dr. Edward Cullen. Perhaps going with such blurry and low expectations was heightening how he really looked, but judging from the photo on the website Dr. Edward Cullen was one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen.

He didn't look that old. He had slight crinkles by the sides of his eyes as he was smiling in the photo. He also had laughter lines, of course. Even I had laughter lines and I barely ever smiled. His hair was a bronze-like colour, loud and wild, but looked soft and purposefully messy – like something you see on hair gel adverts. His smile looked like a dentist's dream, plus every woman's. He was holding his chin as he smiled in a natural way, and his fingers looked long and strong. I wanted him to hold me in them.

But it wasn't his perfect angular carved-by-angels face that was making my hands crawl down my belly and into the elastic of my panties; there was something else entirely that made my text so decisive and my mind so needy and fraught.

He had green eyes.

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**_Author's Note:_ I will be updating this soon - you won't have to wait all that time again, I promise.**

**So, as always please let me know what you think! And if you want to know anything, I am on twitter under edieswan - so tweet me :-)**

**Edie x**


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